I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
