On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
