I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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