Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
