Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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