Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
