look no pants
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
