i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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