I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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