His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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