i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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