My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
