NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
