Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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