hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
