Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
if only i could text you this smell
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
