Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
