i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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