I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
