Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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