put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
