Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
