i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
