Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
