someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
