its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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