I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
