Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
