he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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