someone threw a dead crab at me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
