i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
