He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
