Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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