im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
