I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
