You're completely useless in the revolution.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
