jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
