She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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