Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
