So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
NoShamevember. You game?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
