Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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