I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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