Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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