Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
