he seriously made his penis a facebook.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
