kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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