All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
A bitchslap is in order.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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