I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
