That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
