i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
