ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
